15 Years...!
That's how much time had gone by since we had any contact--phone, email, a note in a bottle--any sort of contact with each other. We had first met as classmates at Banneker School in Gary, Indiana in the 4th Grade and continued through school together from that point on through the first two years of high school. We were always friendly to each other, although we didn't hang out all the time--we lived in different neighborhoods, and we never dated. I was very shy back then, and apparently, so was she. But somehow we ended up going to the Sophomore Star Night dance at Gary's West Side High School together, in 1993. But after that was over, Alisha left for Muncie, Indiana to attend the Indiana Academy of Science, Math, and the Humanities at Ball State University her last two years, while I continued to stroll the halls of West Side right through graduation.
From there, our paths diverged. For the next decade and a half, we each spent doing our own thing--school, work, and a little partying in between---all the typical things 20-somethings trying to be grown usually do. However, in June 2008, I finally decided to join Facebook. Two months later, an old familiar name pops up--Alisha Charleston. So, I, being curious about what she has been up to these years, decides to add her as a friend. She graciously accepted on August 22, 2008, and from there we began a journey that has led to an amazing chain of events.
Our conversation on Facebook chat with all the typical questions like, "What you been up to?", "Where have you been?", "Are you dating anybody?", "Do you have any children?". This went on for about 30 or 45 minutes, when Alisha said "I'm sick of all this typing, here's my phone number--feel free to use it". Well, I did...and we haven't looked back. From the beginning, our conversations were interesting, intense, but effortless. We both felt at ease with each other. Especially given my history of being shy, I was surprised at how easy the conversation progressed. We caught up on everything from family, school, career, everything you could imagine. We shared lots of laughs. We even discussed our views on parenting and relationships. Our first phone conversation was over three hours long, and we didn't even notice. That's how comfortable we felt with each other. In fact, over the next few weeks we didn't have a phone conversation that was less than two hours in length. One time we talked for more than six hours STRAIGHT. We both said "Good thing we both have Sprint." That's the kinds of things you think about when you're living in two different parts of the country--Alisha in the Washington, D.C. area, and me in Chicago.
From there, our paths diverged. For the next decade and a half, we each spent doing our own thing--school, work, and a little partying in between---all the typical things 20-somethings trying to be grown usually do. However, in June 2008, I finally decided to join Facebook. Two months later, an old familiar name pops up--Alisha Charleston. So, I, being curious about what she has been up to these years, decides to add her as a friend. She graciously accepted on August 22, 2008, and from there we began a journey that has led to an amazing chain of events.
Our conversation on Facebook chat with all the typical questions like, "What you been up to?", "Where have you been?", "Are you dating anybody?", "Do you have any children?". This went on for about 30 or 45 minutes, when Alisha said "I'm sick of all this typing, here's my phone number--feel free to use it". Well, I did...and we haven't looked back. From the beginning, our conversations were interesting, intense, but effortless. We both felt at ease with each other. Especially given my history of being shy, I was surprised at how easy the conversation progressed. We caught up on everything from family, school, career, everything you could imagine. We shared lots of laughs. We even discussed our views on parenting and relationships. Our first phone conversation was over three hours long, and we didn't even notice. That's how comfortable we felt with each other. In fact, over the next few weeks we didn't have a phone conversation that was less than two hours in length. One time we talked for more than six hours STRAIGHT. We both said "Good thing we both have Sprint." That's the kinds of things you think about when you're living in two different parts of the country--Alisha in the Washington, D.C. area, and me in Chicago.
"From the beginning, our conversations were interesting, intense...but effortless."
So Much Has Changed...
As the weeks turned into months, our feelings begin to evolve, or at least the recognition that for the first time, things were different between us. Though we were friends, we felt something else. I felt it, just as she did. Yet, I was dangerously close to stifling and suppressing my feelings for her, and remain docked in the role of 'buddy' or 'homie'...as I have done many times in the past. But, I had grown, and through all of that I took a chance I probably wouldn't have attempted just a few short years back. I approached Alisha directly about the situation, and let her know what I was feeling. I was both ecstatic and relieved to know the feelings I for Alisha were mutual. For the first time in my life, I felt a level of comfort with someone whom I could envision spending a lifetime with. But we both decided that it would be best to just "let it flow". And for the next couple of months, we did. Since we didn't have the luxury of being in the same city, or region for that matter, we didn't have the option of seeing or spending time with each other, besides talking on the phone. Yet, it gave us the opportunity to build a relationship of sincerity, openness, and trust from the beginning. And though we hadn't seen each other in over 15 years, it seemed as though we hadn't missed a day with each other. Still, as good as we felt about our prospects, we didn't know how things would be once we encountered each other in-person for the first time in over 15 years. So everything was in limbo until Alisha came home for the holidays.
"...through all of that, I took a chance I probably wouldn't have attempted..."
Flowing...And Not Looking Back!
Allowing things to flow naturally had become our mantra from the moment we realized our feelings were more complex than just friendship. The conversations grew even more intimate, while my admiration for Alisha even stronger. The distance was making me anxious, as I know it was for her. But our day of reckoning was fast approaching, although not fast enough for our taste. Since she always comes home to Gary to visit her family around the Christmas holidays for a full week, and she was flying into Chicago--we planned it out for her to spend the first day with me so we can catch up in-person, and then spend the rest of the week with the family.
She arrived on December 22, 2008, and had a full day of activities planned for us. Never mind it was 900 degrees below zero that day. But my nerves were ratcheted up every moment of the bus ride from my house to pick Alisha up from Midway Airport. I didn't know what to expect when I met. "How would she react after not seeing me all these years?", I though. But as nervous as I was going, was as relieved and happy when I first laid eyes on Alisha in the baggage claim. I was smooth with it too. I presented her with a homemade gift certificate I had created, which stated "Good for a full day of warm hugs, and great times with a very special friend...Alisha Veronica Charleston." From her reaction, I knew I had scored major points on that one. :-) That day turned out to be the day that my era of bachelorhood became history. For the first time, I realized that feeling everybody describes when they say they are in love. Not only did we admire each other, we liked being around each other--to act silly together, but be serious as well. We knew this relationship was on the right road. After that trip, Alisha made a return trip in January during the inauguration, where we shared even more precious moments. It was on this trip that we caught ourselves automatically speaking in terms of "us" and "we", rather than "me" and "I". As we continued to discuss our future, I increasingly envisioned every aspect of it with Alisha. That is when I knew for certain that this was the woman I wanted to marry. The question on the table at this point, was how we would get there.
Well, after the January trip, and one surprise and sentimental letter from me to Alisha, we continued to discuss our plans about traveling the world together over the next few years--identifying our favorite and most desirable destinations. During that conversation, she made a statement in reference to my feelings about family and children, and I thought, "Here's my chance."
So I said, "Well, let's back up...since you're mentioning children, why don't we rewind back to marriage. I would love for us to have children, but I also would like to be married," and threw out a possible date.
She replied, "Should I pencil that in on my calendar?"
After which I replied, "No, even better put it in permanent marker."
Since then, we both keep telling ourselves, "If we only knew back then..."
I'm just grateful for the day I listened to the little voice in my head screaming to me to join Facebook. :-)
She arrived on December 22, 2008, and had a full day of activities planned for us. Never mind it was 900 degrees below zero that day. But my nerves were ratcheted up every moment of the bus ride from my house to pick Alisha up from Midway Airport. I didn't know what to expect when I met. "How would she react after not seeing me all these years?", I though. But as nervous as I was going, was as relieved and happy when I first laid eyes on Alisha in the baggage claim. I was smooth with it too. I presented her with a homemade gift certificate I had created, which stated "Good for a full day of warm hugs, and great times with a very special friend...Alisha Veronica Charleston." From her reaction, I knew I had scored major points on that one. :-) That day turned out to be the day that my era of bachelorhood became history. For the first time, I realized that feeling everybody describes when they say they are in love. Not only did we admire each other, we liked being around each other--to act silly together, but be serious as well. We knew this relationship was on the right road. After that trip, Alisha made a return trip in January during the inauguration, where we shared even more precious moments. It was on this trip that we caught ourselves automatically speaking in terms of "us" and "we", rather than "me" and "I". As we continued to discuss our future, I increasingly envisioned every aspect of it with Alisha. That is when I knew for certain that this was the woman I wanted to marry. The question on the table at this point, was how we would get there.
Well, after the January trip, and one surprise and sentimental letter from me to Alisha, we continued to discuss our plans about traveling the world together over the next few years--identifying our favorite and most desirable destinations. During that conversation, she made a statement in reference to my feelings about family and children, and I thought, "Here's my chance."
So I said, "Well, let's back up...since you're mentioning children, why don't we rewind back to marriage. I would love for us to have children, but I also would like to be married," and threw out a possible date.
She replied, "Should I pencil that in on my calendar?"
After which I replied, "No, even better put it in permanent marker."
Since then, we both keep telling ourselves, "If we only knew back then..."
I'm just grateful for the day I listened to the little voice in my head screaming to me to join Facebook. :-)
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